Chocolate Strawberry Shortcake

Oh the joys of fresh summer fruit. Even better if you hand-pick it yourself. So I was particularly fascinated to fall upon this recipe in the Food Network Magazine. My mom and I are always searching for the perfect "shortcake" to accompany summer strawberries, and this is the first chocolate shortcake recipe I have come across.

Before I tried the recipe, I wanted to purchase the cocoa from Penzey's (my favorite spice store). I also used their vanilla extract, which I already had on hand. I chose Ghiradelli's Luxe chocolate bar for the 3 oz. of chopped milk chocolate--it handily came packaged in a 3 oz. size.

In the initial trial of the recipe, I skipped #3 and #4, and opted to simply slice up some fresh strawberries and whip the remainder of the heavy cream into homemade whipping cream (added a little vanilla and powdered sugar to taste). However, I think those steps sound delightful and will try them when I make the shortcakes again. Having just picked fresh raspberries, I was thinking that these shortcakes might also be delicious substituting the raspberries for the strawberries. For dark chocolate lovers, why not substitute dark chocolate for the milk chocolate? Then I searched the internet for chocolate whipped cream and found easy recipes for that as well as liquer-flavored whipped cream (like Chambord--oh how exquisite!).

The shortcakes tasted very chocolately--but not too sweet. They were in a word: perfect. I loved the biscuity-cakey texture. I would make them just to eat plain--or maybe topped with vanilla ice cream or a raspberry sorbet, should fresh fruit not be available (like in the winter). BUT, if you have the time, try them out while there is still fresh fruit!

Chocolate Strawberry Shortcakes
June/July 2009 Food Network Magazine

Shortcakes:
1 cup AP flour, plus more for dusting
1/3 cup granulated sugar
2 T. dutch-process cocoa powder
3/4 t. baking powder
1/4 t. salt
4 T. cold, unsalted butter, cut into pieces
3 oz. milk chocolate, roughly chopped
2 large eggs
1/4 c. heavy cream
1 t. vanilla extract
Raw sugar for sprinkling

Toppings:
1 quart strawberries, hulled and sliced
1/4 c. granulated sugar
1 cup heavy cream

1. Position a rack in the middle of the oven; preheat to 400 degrees. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper. Make the shortcakes: whisk the flour, granulated sugar, cocoa, baking powder, and salt in a large bowl. Using your fingers, rub the butter into the flour mixture until sandy. Add the chocolate. Whisk 1 egg, the cream and vanilla in a glass measuring cup; stir into the flour mixture with a fork to make a shaggy dough (there will be some dry bits). Turn out onto a lightly floured surface; pat flat until 1 1/2 inches thick. cut into 6 rounds with a knife or cookie cutter, using the scraps for the last cake.

2. Place the rounds on the baking sheet; freeze for 20 minutes. Beat the remaining egg; brush onto cakes and sprinkle with raw sugar. Bake until firm, about 20 minutes. Transfer to rack to cool.

3. Meanwhile, make the toppings: Toss half of the strawberries with half of the sugar in a bowl; set aside. Place the other half of each in a saucepan; cook over medium-low heat, mashing with a fork to make a thick puree, about 10 minutes. Cool completely. Whip the cream with a mixer until medium peaks form; swirl in the strawberry puree.

4. Split the shortcakes in half. Layer some of the strawberry cream and reserved fruit on the bottoms; cover with the shortcake tops. Finish with more berries and cream.

Chicken Caesar Pasta Salad

Goodness. I have been procrastinating posting this recipe simply because I do not how to spell Caesar. When I googled the word, there were at least five different spellings. So I decided to go with the spelling that the Little Caesar’s Pizza place uses, and guess what? It does NOT show up as misspelled in Microsoft Word. So it must be right...right?

Anyway, I once ate this salad at a potluck-type of meal provided for a hospitality room at a cheer competition. Apparently the cheer mom who made the salad is famous for it—I want to be famous, too! The main ingredients are simple: chicken, romaine lettuce, pasta, croutons and caesar dressing. I had never really contemplated mixing lettuce with pasta before, but it is a nice mixture of texture—especially if the lettuce is fresh and crunchy. Really, if you just mix the main ingredients together, you could take it to the table—that was the original salad that I sampled and decided I must someday duplicate.

However, in an effort to make the recipe “mine,” I experimented by adding other ingredients, which I think complemented the whole idea and made it quite a sassy little dish.

Main ingredients:
Romaine lettuce
Chopped/shredded chicken (I used rotisserie, but grilled would be great)
Boiled pasta (I used bow-tie, because I think they are cute)
Caesar dressing to taste (My fave brand: Litehouse Caesar Caesar)
Croutons

Other possibilities:
Toasted pine nuts (toast in dry pan until golden)
Shaved parmesan cheese (can buy shaved in grocery store)
Chopped red/yellow bell pepper
Chopped Genoa salami
Sweet grape tomatoes
Freshly ground pepper

Other tips:
• Depending on how many you are feeding, you will have to experiment with measurements. The pasta box will give you a good idea of serving sizes for the pasta portion.

• Make sure to SALT your pasta water—should taste like ocean-water, I learned on the Food Network channel one time. This is your only opportunity to season your pasta!

• Add salad dressing a little at a time—no need to drown the salad, hide all the good flavors, or add extra calories unnecessarily!

Sex and the City -- Still a Fan!

I'm a Sex and the City fan. I watched it on HBO when new episodes were still being aired, long before it was syndicated and showing on TBS every night. I cried when Carrie and Aiden broke up the first time, then I cried again when they broke up the second time. I own all of the seasons on DVD. Drew is not allowed to watch them--ever. But that's not the point of this post.

This past weekend, I decided to watch a season's worth of episodes. I chose Season Five for no particular reason and whenever Drew was napping or down for the night, I watched an episode or two until I was all done. Well, I have a new-found respect for the show's writers/producers because of how they portrayed breastfeeding. Many episodes in Season Five depict Miranda's trials and tribulations in her new role as a mother. In one episode, she is stressed out because Brady, her son, won't latch on. The writers very naturally and smoothly incorporated breastfeeding vocabulary into the conversation in a very real situation that many mothers experience. In another episode, Miranda takes a weekend trip to Atlantic City, and in the middle of the casino, she mentions that she's tired and it's time for her to pump. So very clever how the writers incorporated the idea that one can still be a working mother who is a successful New York attorney, take a weekend trip with her girlfriends, and still be committed to giving her child the best form of nourishment that exists. In yet another episode, the baby's father, Steve, asks Miranda if her nipples are sore. And the conversation again is natural, caring, and completely appropriate. And it fits seamlessly into the story line. I watched the whole Season Five and failed to see one bottle. I don't know if any of this was done purposefully or not, but kudos to the writers of one of my favorite shows. I love it even more now!

The Scent of a Memory

*sniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiffffffffffffffff* I don’t really know how to spell the sound you make when you breathe deeply in an effort to take in a glorious scent, but at 3:15 p.m. today, when I left the school building to walk to my car, that is the sound I was making. Today was the first cutting of the school lawn. As soon as I exited the door, the sweet, sweet smell of fresh-cut grass was all about me. Fresh-cut grass is what the color green smells like. Not forest-green or sea-green, just pure green. And since we have had an abundance of spring rain lately, the smell was even sweeter than I remembered it. Or course, it’s really no mystery--the greener the grass, the sweeter the smell.

For me, aromas really trigger some great memories. For instance, fresh-cut-grass-smell reminds me of carefree childhood days rollerskating down the street and long ago high school dance team tryouts (they always took place in the springtime). Today the smell reminded me that my stress will very soon decrease from ten to zero, since I am fortunate to enjoy summer vacation. It also got me thinking about my other favorite aromas and how they connect to important experiences or simply make me smile. Here are some more of my favorites (in no particular order):

Warm, fresh corn tortillas: There is nothing quite like the earthy smell of freshly made corn tortillas—a warm, comforting aroma of toasted masa (the traditional tortilla dough made from ground up fire-roasted corn soaked in limewater). That smell takes me right back to my semester in Mexico when I was so young, but thought I was so old, and I did things that I would never do now (like eat tacos from a street vendor set up in a tin box with no running water). You can imitate the fresh-corn-tortilla smell to about 80% accuracy by heating some store-bought corn tortillas in the microwave, but the true smell can only be enjoyed by standing nearby when a corn tortilla has just been pulled off the griddle. Having lived in Mexico City for a semester my sophomore year in college, I know the true delight of actually doing just that. And here in the States there are certainly plenty of cities that have tortillerías (a tortilla shop where people make and sell them), as well as some restaurants that make their own tortillas in-house.

Pampers Swaddlers diapers: It’s only the Swaddlers smell that I really adore. Pre-motherhood, I had no idea such a sweet, delicate smell could even exist. The smell is in the neighborhood of baby powder, but so much better. That extraordinary smell reminds me of the first days of Drew’s life both in the hospital and at home. ***There is a chance that I might have saved a Swaddler diaper in a Ziploc bag just so I could open it sometimes and take a whiff down memory lane.*** Unfortunately, Pampers doesn’t make Swaddlers diapers in all sizes, so once your baby outgrows them, you’re out of luck if you love the scent as much as I do. Thank goodness Drew started in the “N” size (for Newborn), so we got to enjoy Swaddlers all the way through size 2 before making the switch. The other Pampers diapers smell nice, but not all cuddly and gentle and newborn-y. If we are blessed to have a second child, I would like to try cloth diapers, but not until after he/she would grow out of the Swaddlers. Just can’t give up that smell!


Puppy Breath: For non-animal people this probably sounds gross, but puppy breath has the cutest, most adorable scent. Unfortunately, it disappears with age. And I’m not a big fan of adult-dog breath. I didn’t grow up with a dog and would never have considered myself a dog-person…until I met Timber, our chocolate lab. It was a sad day when Timber lost his puppy breath. Sort of like Drew outgrowing his Pamper Swaddler diapers. Sigh.

Bumble & Bumble Hair-Thickening Conditioner: The shampoo smells the same, but the conditioner smell really lingers on your hands and in your hair. I always goo up my hair with the conditioner and then put my hands right by my nose and inhale deeply before rinsing them. I had never revealed that shower ritual until my younger sister had visited and used it at my house. She gushed about how much she loved the smell of it, too, so I decided my conditioner-smelling-ritual wasn’t so crazy after all. The memory linked to this is San Diego visiting my sister-in-law. That’s where I was when I first smelled the stuff. Imagine—an aroma so wonderful you remember where you are when you first smell it.

Starbucks coffee: I love the smell when you walk in the door—it says, “Everything is going to be just fine as soon as your Grande Non-fat Mocha w/ Whip is in your hands.” The aroma is only slightly better if it is wafting into my car, because that means that I am sitting at the drive-thru window and I didn’t even have to get out of my car to get my treat. Enough said.

Lake Michigan: Lake Michigan has a fresh, clean, salt-free-water smell. It smells like the ocean, minus the salty bite! You can smell it a little inland when the wind is just right, and that smell makes me want to drop what I'm doing and head straight for the beach. I moved to West Michigan a couple of years after I started teaching, and lived right by the lake. I lived in some GREAT places. The first house I rented was right on a lake that connected to Lake Michigan via a short channel. Then, I even got to live right across the street from the Lake Michigan. There was the old condo I rented, the road, and then the beach. Sunsets every single night. You can imagine the despair I experienced when the condo needed serious renovation and the owner decided to renovate and then double the rent. Bye bye. So very sad.

I don't live nearly as close to Lake Michigan as I used to, so I don't get my daily fix. However, I drive to the beach as frequently as possible. Smelling Lake Michigan is the closest thing to feeling like I'm "home" other than actually driving home to Illinois, where I grew up.

Breastfeeding Survival Kit

Recently I read another blogger’s ideal Breastfeeding Survival Kit. She asked at the end: What would be in your ideal breastfeeding kit? Although I am not breastfeeding anymore, I still have friends who breastfeed and friends who will (hopefully!) breastfeed soon, so I thought I would post my ideal Breastfeeding Survival Kit items here:

1. Breastfeeding books. The two most dear to my heart: So That's What They're For by Janet Tamaro and Breastfeeding With Comfort and Joy by Laura Keegan, R.N., F.N.P. I would recommend reading and re-reading many times over before baby is born. You’ll have much more time before baby arrives.

And honestly, you’ll read it over and over and you’ll hear it from lactation consultants: if the baby is latched-on properly, it shouldn’t be painful. So read and re-read the information about proper latch-on!

2. Water. I have read that water really does help milk supply and production, and I have also read that it doesn’t make a huge difference. I did feel like it made a difference for me—I felt like I had a better supply when I was most hydrated.

3. Lactation cookies and necessary ingredients on hand. What breastfeeding mother isn’t hungry AND who doesn’t love cookies? Cookies that help you lactate as well? Enough said. You can find the recipe here.

4. Phone numbers/emails of people who can help and support you:

Make sure you have at least one friend who values breastfeeding as much, if not more, than you do. She MUST be your go-to person when you are struggling. There are too many people out there who are willing to praise you for the good job you did as they support you through quitting. You need different peer pressure—you need a personal cheerleader to remind you why breastfeeding is so important and why you shouldn’t skip just one feeding or just one pumping session.

Know how to contact a lactation consultant. I was incredibly lucky to have local support through Baby Beloved, Inc – a breastfeeding supply boutique complete with lactation consultant services. Baby Beloved also hosts baby classes and a mommy support group. It isn’t affiliated with the hospital or La Leche League (whom I could have contacted if necessary).

5. Breast comfort aids: Lanolin ointment (only needed during the first couple of weeks…then it really DOES get better), ice packs for engorgement (my mom made some for me out of diapers moistened with water and then frozen--worked perfectly), leak-prevention pads, breastfeeding pillow (more on that in a second), comfortable chair, supportive husband to provide extra set of hands when learning how to position baby...

6. Breastfeeding cover/apron: I have two: one from Bebe Au Lait (that’s French for “baby with milk” – a take on the expression for how you ask for a coffee with milk in French: "cafe au lait.”) My mom purchased the Bebe Au Lait one for me online and then used it to make a pattern so she could make me another one handmade. Pretty nifty and thrifty.

7. Nursing tank-tops/camisoles: These are certainly a matter of preference. I got some less expensive tanks at Target which worked well, but my most favorite brand of all was Bravado. I loved the ballet-style top, thick material and feeling of firm support. When my milk was first coming in and I was engorged, these tanks made me feel MUCH better. You need to be fitted for the Bravado tanks like you would be fitted for a nursing bra. My least favorite: Glamourmom—felt too flimsy for the money I paid.

8. Breastfeeding support group: If there is a local support group that meets regularly, attend it! The place where I got my pump, bras, and tanks also hosts a weekly mommy support group. I felt a little uncomfortable when I first went there, but for no good reason. It was the most safe, understanding environment a new mom could ask for. In addition to being hosted by a certified lactation consultant, the mommy group was a great place to vent, cry, and laugh about motherhood, breastfeeding or post-pregnancy fat jeans.

9. The best breast pump insurance can buy…or register for one if you’re going to be having a baby shower. My OB wrote a prescription for a breast pump and our insurance covered the entire cost, so I got the Medela Pump-In-Style Advanced. It worked really great. You can always rent a pump, also. Babies R Us rents them as did my breastfeeding supply store (significantly cheaper than BRU).

Learn to pump! Even if you don't have to, you should. The whole pumping thing was very intimidating, even though I had been shown how easy it was when I purchased the pump. I was very scared, but this was another situation in which the fear was totally unfounded. The reason I learned was because in the first couple of weeks after Drew was born, I had one side that was so sore and painful, I could barely feed from that side without crying. I don't know why or how the one side was worse than the other, because it didn't seem to be a latch problem, but pumping helped me to heal the right side while feeding Drew only from the left. Once I was all healed up, we bf from both sides and life was good.

However, because I forced myself to learn to pump, I was able to continue pumping in order to build up a freezer supply. I became fascinated with how much I could produce, and I used some of the advice that I had read in Tamaro's book to figure out when I should pump (I always did it right after I nursed) and how to store the frozen milk. Some days I would pump after every single nursing and other days not at all. But it was so helpful to have the option.

10. Nursing pillows: I used the Boppy, which worked fine when Drew was the smallest, but there are some better pillows out there for when your baby gets bigger and bigger and bigger. We actually had two nursing pillows, which I thought was a total waste—before I actually gave birth. I had registered for and received the Boppy and then someone else gave me a Boppy-like nursing pillow also. I was all set to take it back when a friend told me she liked having a couple of nursing pillows. So I didn’t take it back and am I ever glad. First, everybody who came to visit us used the Boppy when holding Drew. My manly-man husband seemed very fascinated with the Boppy—he used it every time he held/rocked Drew and put it around the waist of every guest, male or female, who came to visit the baby. Which was fine and dandy, except germ-freak-me wanted what I perceived to be a sterile Boppy to feed Drew on. It was also nice to have a nursing pillow both in the living room and the bedroom—the two places I nursed the most. Furthermore, it was nice to have an extra nursing pillow to throw into the car.

Coming Soon: My ideal Pumping Survival Kit

Drew's Birth Story

Sunday, March 23rd (Easter Sunday 2008)
• My water broke around 5:45 a.m. but I was confused about whether I might have wet my PJ’s or whether my water had broken because there wasn’t very much leakage, and most of the water-breaking stories I had heard involved gushing. I changed PJ’s and went back to bed. About a half hour later it happened again, but again it was more like involuntarily peeing a little instead of the gushing I was waiting for. So I woke Mike to discuss and consulted the What to Expect… book. Even then I was still confused—especially because I wasn’t due until April 10. So I changed PJ’s for a second time and we went back to bed with the plan that the third time would be the charm…no matter what we would just go to the hospital should the same thing occur again. Just a few minutes after we settled back into bed, more water came gushing out, and we were 100% sure that this was it!

• Because I wasn’t experiencing contractions, we prepared very calmly to go to the hospital. I had already packed my bag a week or so prior, so I finished some last minute stuff around the house while Mike took a shower. Interesting enough, the battery-operated candles, relaxing music CD, and back massager were all packed...but never even used. But I’m jumping ahead. So, we snapped a picture of me right before heading off to the hospital (not so pretty). We even dropped off the Easter ham & baskets to Mike’s cousin Becky’s house on the way to the hospital since clearly we wouldn’t be able to make the Easter dinner that day. No screeching tires or flying over railroad tracks were necessary en route.

• We arrived in emergency around 7:30 a.m. and got checked in triage to make sure that my “bag had ruptured.” It had indeed ruptured and I was dilated to just 1 cm, but cervix was thinned out—good news and bad news, both. I was hoping that I would be dilated much further, but I was glad that my body was progressing on its own. Once our labor and delivery room was prepared, we were carted off to spend the majority of our day there.

• As soon as we had the medical 100% that we would be admitted and having a baby, we called each of our parents. That was probably the most fun call to make since we had announced our engagement.

• Until 11:30 or so, we didn’t do too much. My nurse, Sheryl, monitored me and checked things out periodically, but since nothing much was happening in the contraction department, Pitocin was started and increased every half hour until contractions were going well. This is where my birthing plan (that I had even typed out on the computer, printed and put in a plastic page protector) took a turn. Of course, Pitocin would be where we got off track with the whole letting my body do its own thing. But since I was getting ready to meet my baby for the first time after nine long months, I sort of nodded my head and agreed to everything once we entered the hospital because no one was there to tell me otherwise.

• From 1:00 p.m. to 3:00 p.m. the Pitocin was increased in small increments and by 3:00 p.m. I could definitely feel a difference enough that I had to concentrate on the ceiling and breathing to make it through each contraction. However, at 3:00 p.m. Baby Drew wasn’t liking his position or the Pitocin and caused the nurse to come in and turn off the Pitocin, as well as have a resident doctor try to insert an internal HR monitor—TWICE. Yet ANOTHER situation that we had learned about that we were adamant against, and yet again we found ourselves nodding OK--twice. Because the first time the monitor came off. And I had to go through the experience a second time, which involved someone’s whole hand inside me sticking prongs into our child’s head. Not enjoyable whatsoever, causing me to have to breathe through the process because it hurt SO BADLY. The monitor never did work properly and luckily Drew responded well to the fact that the Pitocin was turned off. By this point I was dilated to 3 ½ cm and contractions were becoming difficult to breathe through.

• Contractions continued from 3:00 p.m. – 5:00 p.m without the Pitocin, coming closer together and getting stronger. Breathing turned to whimpering and moaning/crying. I remember feeling embarrassed that I was being too loud but it was all I could do to manage the pain for 60 – 90 seconds every 2 - 2 ½ minutes. Literally 30 - 60 seconds of down-time before the next contraction began. Mike was a good coach, but there wasn’t a whole lot he could do, besides hold the throw up bucket when I got sick—another side effect of the pain that I didn’t expect. I remember telling him to please be quiet and not say a word, and then he would say "you're doing great" and I would tell him emphatically--please don't even say that!!!!

• Finally finally FINALLY I was checked and dialated to 6 cm – good and ready for the epidural. Between dealing with contractions, throwing up, and bleeding from the internal heart rate monitor insertion experience, I thought I couldn’t make it any longer and I asked for the epidural. The worst part of the epidural was trying to be still while having a serious contraction and a procedure that could be dangerous if not administered properly.

• Following the epidural procedure, I was in heaven compared to what I had just gone through. I could still feel when I was having a contraction, but the intense pain was absent, as was the vomiting. Shortly after the epidural had taken effect (around 6:00 p.m.) I was checked again and surprised to find that I was dialated to a NINE. In one hour 5:00 p.m. – 6:00 p.m. I had gone from 6 cm to 9 cm. Was it that I was transitioning or was it that the epidural caused me to relax and allow my cervix to open? We will never know. I asked the nurse if she was joking--but she wasn't. She said she was on her way to call the doc because I was ready to push and she really thought that I would deliver before her shift ended at 7:00 p.m. What a feeling of utter excitement and joy!

• From 6:00 p.m. – 7:00 p.m. I pushed my heart out, but unfortunately Drew was “posterior” or face-up instead of face-down. We learned that it is much more difficult to deliver babies that way, so my pushing wasn’t making a lot of progress. And then…at 7:00 p.m. came the nurse change. I had really been impressed with my first nurse who had taken care of me all day. She was calm, encouraging, quiet, and seemed to really be on my side. She gave me great advice about how to push and her words and tone were just perfect. I really HATED the nurse who replaced her. She was annoyingly chipper, didn’t give good advice, and she had a “scolding” sort of encouragement. I think the worst thing about her is that she didn't seem sincere. An hour of her and when the doctor suggested we opt for a C-section, I’m sure one of the reasons I agreed was to get away from her. Actually, because I had a high blood pressure scare during the last couple of weeks of pregnancy, the doctor didn’t want to “take any chances.” He explained that since both Drew and I were in a non-emergency situation, though not making progress, it would be a SAFE idea rather than risk an emergency situation and end up with an emergency C-section anyway. It sounded like a reasonable explanation.

• Mike and I didn’t even really talk it over. I was all drugged up and we were both so ready to meet Drew, that why would we go against the medical advice? (I’ll answer that question in a future post). So we got prepped for surgery and off we went to deliver Drew. The anesthesiologist was UNBELIEVABLE. He basically narrated every single move that he and the doctor were making so that at NO point did I feel scared or think that something was wrong. He kept reassuring me and telling me how great everything was going. Just as Drew's head was being delivered he positioned a mirror so I could watch. Nothing short of a MIRACLE. At 8:58 p.m. our most beautiful gift entered the world. We thought Drew was just amazing and beautiful and perfect. Mike said in excitement, “He’s got four arms and legs!” I love that line--such a cute husband-y thing to say! Michael was videotaping the whole procedure so we have been able to relive the excitement and joy several times since--including the "four arms and legs" comment--hee hee.

• We watched as they checked Drew over and soon after the surgery, they gave Drew to me and wheeled us together to the recovery room where we could not stop saying how beautiful he was. I was “high” on all the medical drugs, but certainly more "high" on motherhood already. Drew got his first bath and I was given a bath, too! Until this experience, I had no idea what nurses do, because (thank goodness) I have never spent time in a hospital. Other than the one LD nurse who I didn't like so much, every single nurse that came to take care of me was absolutely phenomenal. Anyway...

• There is a short period after which a baby is born when the baby is alert but quiet. It is the most amazing couple of hours that you could possibly imagine. I believe that there is some medical explanation (and maybe even a name for it, which I can't remember), but it's clear: nature created a time for bonding, before the baby and momma start their rest and recovery from the birth process. Drew, Michael and I just stared into each other’s eyes. We made our first attempt at breastfeeding and were fairly successful. I was relieved that even though I had a C-section, Drew’s sucking instinct was strong. Around midnight we were finally cleared to return to our room.

• And that is the story of how precious Drew came into our world and made us Mommy and Daddy.

Breastfeeding Laws

If you are curious which states best protect our right to breastfeed and which states are lagging behind, click here.