The Second Time Around

So we are a few months away from bringing another member of our family into this world. Pregnancy has treated me well so far (knock on wood), with the exception of feeling much bigger the second time around--and from the get-go. Positive pregnancy stick = immediate baby bump. I told a friend of mine recently that I didn't think it was emotionally healthy for me to check myself out in the mirror too hard--most especially the rear view, after a shower, for example. YIKES. As I was lamenting the other day, a colleague reminded me that it would be a problem if I were NOT getting bigger. Always nice to put everything in perspective. That's right. It's not all about me. It's about the peanut--who seems to be growing juuuuuust fine.

I have been fortunate to be able to wear the exact same maternity clothes as last time because (1) it's the same season of pregnancy give or take a month and (2) the clothes are still in style because pregnancy #1 was in 07-08. This has certainly helped the family budget. Plus I wasn't nearly as excited about panel-pants this time around as I was last. Actually I'm not really into panel pants at all--there are very cool pregnancy "belly bands" that allow one to stay in her pre-pregnancy pants for quite awhile because the "bands" cover the unzipped zipper and hold everything in place. Fantastic invention...especially the ones with the cute lace at the bottom to make it seem as if you're wearing a lace cami under your shirt.

While the pregnancy itself seems about the same, I most certainly am NOT the same. Much more laid back, I am enjoying just. being. pregnant. I really like to park in "Expectant Mother Parking." And guess what? Second time around = less guilt using those parking spaces because you show sooner. During my first pregnancy I kept my nose in books such as "What To Expect..." yadda yadda yadda. Embroyo. Got it. Fetus. Got it. Statements like "I will TRY to breastfeed and see how it goes." Try to breastfeed? How silly and naive that sounds now, knowing all that I know. I will breastfeed and we will be successful. This time around I am less concerned with figuring out which day each little cell is being formed and what color to make the nursery. All of that was very fun, exciting, and new. But this time I am more concerned about who this in my tummy, what he/she might be like as a person, what our first moments together will be like, whether or not I'll forget what it feels like to have a human moving around in my body. And maybe, a toddler running around is a little distracting, too. But because this could be my last pregnancy (I'm no spring chicken), I am really trying to enjoy the blessing and miracle that it is and remain calm and focused on the task at hand...grow the peanut safely and for as long as possible. My water broke 2 1/2 weeks before my due date with my first child. We'll see what happens the second time around.

Speaking of the peanut, we decided not to find out the gender. The first time around, in the flurry of nursery decorating and registering for scads of gifts we didn't need, it wasn't even a question. We found out. This time around, we're saving it for just us, in the delivery room--the kind of hold-your-breath excitement that we don't often get to experience in this impatient tell-me-yesterday kind of world we live in. Instant gratification--not the second time around. How about in 40-ish weeks?

Oh and speaking of NOT finding out...this creates all KINDS of responses. A lot of dads offer a high-five "way-to-go" sort of response. Most women don't seem to understand. How can you not find out? Don't you want to know? I couldn't do that. It's actually kind of fun to annoy people in this way. And because I teach high school, the students are very curious about what the name choices might be, when the baby is due and...why are we not finding out!?! Because our home is up for sale, I'm not itching to decorate a new nursery. And even if our home were not up for sale (not sold yet...sigh), I think I would still feel the same way. Like I told another with-child friend of mine, when the baby is born, all he/she needs is me. And of course, daddy--but uh...daddy doesn't provide the meals. And as I recall, not a whole lot of sleeping is done outside of someone's arms the first few weeks, and check! Got those.

A second pregnancy is a great example of the opposite of "If I knew then what I know now..." I actually feel like I get to put some amazing experience and knowledge in to practice. I often say to myself, or husband, or friend "This time I will..." or "This time we should consider..." Like I would prefer our hospital room to not be grand central station. While some people might find this offensive or selfish, I recognize the miracle of the precious, amazing minutes and hours post birth that I would like to be just ours--my husband's and mine--not to mention February germs and a mother's need to recover and rest and the baby's need to learn how to nurse. This time I would like to wear my baby more. I was intimidated and a little frightened of my Peanut Shell sling with Drew, and yet it was one of the most useful parts of early motherhood when I finally learned how to use it. I need to purchase a Mobi Wrap (one of very few "products" I would like to splurge on) because it can be used with such young infants. Already used the Ergo with the first--it's ready and waiting to be strapped on again....see how easy this is the second time around? Actually? Just kidding. Will there be surprises and challenges? Every day, I'm sure. Will bonding with a second child while nurturing #1 be difficult? Absolutely. Will there be tears? Many and probably often (damn post-pregnancy hormones).

Yet...I'm so excited...about the second time around.